Why Self-Awareness is the Premier Leadership Skill

Most leaders who come to me for executive coaching assume there are a range of skills we will work on, and we do, but I think they are often surprised about how much I emphasize self-awareness, which I believe to be the premier leadership skill.  

When I had a leadership position within a large, complex organization, I found myself back in the same kind of situations multiple times. This was annoying and troubling to me, and I assumed that there was something wrong with the organization, or my boss, or other people I interacted and collaborated with. I was a perfect fit for my role, I was an extremely hard worker (probably overworking), adept at driving things forward, and was adding value every day.

However, my energy and quality of life was being drained by conflicts with others and some stuck circumstances I could not seem to break through. 

Thankfully I was learning to practice quieting my mind and body and doing some meditation (which is a regular practice for me now), and one day I felt viscerally how angry I was about one of the conflicts and then got an image of my eyes covered by darkness along with a fence around my heart. And I knew that my attachment to my anger had locked away my ability to see the other people involved from a more expanded perspective and blocked a dedication to find the higher good for all, the deeper purpose trying to emerge. This moment of self-awareness was a powerful awakening.

From then on, I learned to notice if I was feeling strong emotions or judgments, breathe and get re-grounded, and choose my response from a more reasoned and compassionate place. 

Dr. David Hawkins did research that demonstrated that different states of consciousness (awareness) had different vibrations and that Understanding, Joy, Love, Peace, and Gratitude were very high states and led to more productivity, peak performance, and more synchronicity with the flow of life. For me Understanding was a gateway to more success as a leader. This is the ability to perceive truth and reality, allowing one to move beyond emotional, ego-driven reactions and limited perspectives. For a leader a lack of Understanding can lead to: poor feedback reception; blind spots including around biases; lack of empathy; poor judgment in moments of strong emotion; and a tendency to blame others.  

(For more about Dr. David Hawkins’ work see my blog: https://www.janemidgley.com/blog/99156-daily-awareness-leads-to-career-success) 

One of the important benefits of dwelling more in Understanding is that you are less reactive, more thoughtful, and have more discernment about what is actually happening as you interact with other people.

According to Warren Buffet, “You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.” As you are aware that you are having an emotional reaction or are closed to a larger perspective, you can be flexible as to how you respond to different people and different situations – when you are more present to what is really happening rather than allowing a wounded ego to drive things. This is where the fence around my heart had to go, because my heart helps me to be more present to each person involved and the higher possibilities and good for all. 

So how to increase your self-awareness? 

• In the moment, notice if you are experiencing intense emotion (which usually activates our body as well as causes our mind to race), and if so breathe and rebalance before responding. Connect to your heart - set that intention.

• When you get some distance from the situation or as a regular practice, get quiet and contemplate the circumstance with an open heart and mind and see what comes to you. Journal about possible responses/actions or reflect on what did happen.

• Be open to feedback as to how your responses and actions are affecting others around you.  

• Include yourself in the Understanding and treat yourself with compassion – you are always striving to grow (or you wouldn't be a leader) and it takes a lot to navigate your road.